


The Carrot

by thewriterofperfectdisasters



Series: Fic A Day In May [13]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, ficadayinmay, it's literally 3am i hope this makes sense, things going up butts?, well idk but yeah things going up butts, what does this count as?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 03:16:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1672688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriterofperfectdisasters/pseuds/thewriterofperfectdisasters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘It’s a great carrot.’ Mickey agreed. ‘Very... orange. Like you. Orange carrot man child boy carrot.’<br/>Ian giggled and looked back to the carrot in adoration. He held it close and stage whispered to it, ‘We are blood brothers, you and I.’</p><p>Someone asked for the carrot story I referred to in yesterday's FicADayInMay... and I had nothing else prepared :L</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Carrot

‘Hey, Mick... Mick. Look at this.’ Ian whispered. He was standing in the kitchen, motioning for Mickey to join him.

They had taken advantage of an empty house to do whatever they wanted, so instead of doing things like fucking with the bedroom door open, being as loud as they liked, or fucking somewhere like on top of the washing machine, they had decided to crack into the good weed Lip had left behind when he went to college.

Both were as high as kites, but Mickey at least still had _some_ of his wits about him.

Ian, however, was standing in the kitchen holding a carrot, not unlike how Rafiki held Simba at the beginning of _The Lion King._ He looked up as Mickey wandered into the kitchen and grinned. ‘Look at it, Mick. Look at this carrot.’

‘It’s a great carrot.’ Mickey agreed. ‘Very... orange. Like you. Orange carrot man child boy carrot.’

Ian giggled and looked back to the carrot in adoration. He held it close and stage whispered to it, ‘We are blood brothers, you and I.’

‘Carrot twins.’ Mickey said seriously.

‘Carrot twins.’ Ian nodded. ‘Hey, hey, Mick.’

‘Yeah?’

Ian’s face broke out into a grin. ‘Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey!’

Mickey tried to look annoyed, but instead ended up just scrunching his nose. ‘Carrot boy.’

Ian laughed again. ‘Okay, but what if we did the carrot.’

‘What carrot?’

‘ _This_ carrot.’ Ian said, poking him in the chest with it. ‘What if we... what if we put it up your _butt_.’

Mickey looked thoughtful for a few seconds. ‘Yeah alright.’ he said, turning and walking up the stairs.

Ian followed behind, cradling the carrot to his chest, and murmuring words of encouragement to it.

By the time Ian reached their room, Mickey was already face down in the pillows, ass in the air, completely naked.

‘Hey, Mick.’

‘What?’

‘Where do we keep the condoms?’

Mickey frowned. ‘We don’t really..? Go find one in Fiona’s room or something.’

Ian nodded and disappeared for a few minutes, coming back with a little foil package.

‘What’re you doin’, Gallagher?’

‘Gotta make sure the carrot is protected.’ Ian said, tearing open the packet. ‘Don’t want you gettin’ pregnant with the carrot.’

‘Oh, no. No, that would be bad.’ Mickey said, nodding in agreement. ‘I don’t want the carrot babies.’

Ian nodded back, rolling the condom onto the carrot, before singing to the tune of the wedding march, ‘Here comes the carrot...’

 

* * *

 

When they woke up the next morning, back down from their high, Mickey and Ian got confused pretty quickly.

Mickey was naked, and had a bit of an ache in his ass, and Ian was still fully dressed.

‘Did you get redressed or somethin’?’ Mickey asked, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

‘Uh...’ Ian laughed nervously. ‘No, I don’t think I was even undressed.’

‘What do you mean? We did something, because there’s fuckin’ jizz here.’

‘Yeah, well, you did something.’ Ian cleared his throat and nodded to the floor beside their bed.

Mickey stared at the object for a few seconds. He blinked and said, eyes unmoving, ‘Is that a carrot in a condom.’

Ian nodded, even though Mickey couldn’t see. ‘Yeah.’

Then it came back to Mickey. He groaned. ‘Aw fuck. You put the carrot in a condom so I wouldn’t get pregnant.’

Ian snorted into laughter. ‘Safety first.’


End file.
